The Marriage of the Virgin, Raphael (1483-1520), 1504, oil on panel. Pinacoteca di Brera, Web Gallery of Art / Wikimedia Commons.

5 Tips for a Holy Marriage

Discover 5 tips to draw closer to God and your spouse. The Manual for Marriage is your ultimate guide for your journey to Heaven together.


Offer It Up

Stuff happens. We all have big and small pains, disappointments, worries, and annoyances in our days. Do you think to offer them up? Offering up any kind of suffering for the sake of your spouse is a powerful way to gain grace for your marriage. You are supposed to help your spouse on the way toward heaven, so why not offer up that annoying work phone call or headache? You can say a prayer at the start of your day, offering up all of your pains and sufferings for your spouse’s sake, or you can say a small prayer in the moment. Ask Jesus to take your small suffering, unite it to his own, and use it to bless and encourage your spouse.

Start and End Your Days Together

As much as reasonably possible, try to keep the same schedule as your spouse. If he gets up early in the morning for work, you can get up too, even if you don’t have to, so that you can share a moment together before he leaves. A shared bedtime is an even more important opportunity for connection. They call it pillow talk for a reason! Those few quiet moments at the end of your day are a precious opportunity to connect, share about projects at work or with the kids, or talk about plans for the next day before falling asleep, side by side. Being on similar sleep schedules connects you in the most basic of ways, emphasizes that you are living one life together, and provides opportunities for intimate communication.

Become One

In marriage, we should strive, as much as reasonably possible, to share our lives and “become one” in all things. What do you currently have or hold separately that you could join? Do you have separate bank accounts, for example? If so, why do you? There may be a good reason, but perhaps consider the idea that holding your finances separately underscores the truth about some form of division between the two of you. Do you have a friendship or work relationship that is important to you but that your spouse is perhaps not even aware of? Do you have conversations you wouldn’t want your spouse to hear? These are warning signs that something is off and endangering your relationship. You are called to share your whole life with your spouse. Anything you are “holding back” is hurting you.

Unplug from Technology

Our smartphones are a wonderful way to communicate and connect, but ironically, they are also a terrible distraction from authentic connections with the people we love. Have times in your day when you and your spouse put your phones away. It might be after dinner when you go for that walk, or for the couple of hours before you go to bed. All those emails and texts from other people can wait. Give yourself the gift of focused time together with the person you love most.

Receive the Sacraments Together

Find new ways to receive and appreciate the sacraments together. Look for opportunities to receive the Eucharist and sacrament of Penance together. You might make time for a weekly Holy Hour together, attend an extra Mass per week, or have a “confession date” followed by dinner out. Find a way to put yourself and your spouse in God’s presence more often, and you will find yourselves growing closer to one another as you grow in love for God.

This article is taken from a chapter in Manual for Marriage by Dan Bean and Danielle Bean which is available from TAN Books

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